Neighbors

The house I live in is a small twin. We're renting this house as are the people who live next door. We share a set of steps and a party wall.

I grew up in a twin and lived in rowhomes my whole life. Having a whole different family on the other side of the wall is not new to me, but there seems to be a serious lack of insulation in this particular house.

Sitting here at my computer I can hear the family next door as though they were standing right next to me.

This would be okay except the father is not a nice guy.

In some ways I can give the guy some slack because on the day they were moving into the house, he fell down the front lawn and broke his leg. So he was pretty cranky the first several weeks, and understandably so.

His attitude is also somewhat understandable because there are too many people in the family to be living in this house comfortably. It's a small, very small, twin rancher style house. They have 3 children. Mother and Father have the main bedroom in the back of the house, and the three kids sleep in some sort of arrangement in the finished basement.

The living room/kitchen area is quite small. In my house, two adults in the kitchen is one too many. One adult and the dog in the kitchen is one too many. Put three adults in the living room, and it's full. How they manage to squeeze two adults and three kids and a cat in there is a mystery to me.

Given the lack of space, the stress of a temporarily disabled parent, and a new move, I am not unsympathetic to the fact that people are going to get short-tempered with each other.

Even so, it also not hard to miss what is standard behavior for this family. They could be living in a mansion with plenty of personal space and comfort, and there are certain things that would not change.

For example, fathers who regularly call their children (including the four year old) "moron" and "stupid" and "*#$*(@ idiot" and who daily threaten to "kick your #$#(@ ass" don't change. There is a fundamental dysfunction that cannot be fixed with money or space when days begin reasonably pleasantly, but deteriorate within the first 60 minutes of waking into episodes of crying, shouting, cursing, and insults.

I've seen this before (unfortunately). I lived in a small Fishtown rowhome for 5 years before the neighborhood allegedly began to "gentrify". The realtors might be able to sell it as an "up and coming" place to live, but I can tell you from personal experience there's a lot to overcome.

There is no such thing as worrying about a child's self-esteem or development. Their future will be determined in 30 minute intervals, and if they can get through those next 30 minutes without being hit, belittled, or threatened, then life is good.

So it is with the kids next door. I have not, thankfully, heard anyone being physically abused, but the emotional and mental abuse is staggering.

This is when I realize there are precious few options to combat this tide of psychic destruction. I introduced myself when they moved in, and offered assistance because of the father's broken leg. I offered to baby-sit the youngest child if they needed help. I offered to pick things up from the store for them. I offered to cook for the kids if the mother had to work late. All of it was refused, and I can understand that. They don't know me. They have no reason to trust me. And they certainly don't want a stranger in their business. But I made the offer anyway because I thought even if they accept help just one time, maybe it will lead them to consider getting even more help, like maybe some family counseling would be nice.

Beyond making the offers, there isn't anything I can do. They're not doing anything illegal. Their crime is being less than stellar parents and the father especially is a bully. All that can be done is be as friendly and supportive of the children as I can be when I see them and hope they learn that not all adults are jerks and that they don't own guns.